Call me Helen Keller, because I'm a fucking miracle worker!

1. Vinny Chase (Naturally.)
2. Jessica Biel (She owes me big.)
3. Charlize Theron (I can't tell you how.)
4. Cillian Murphy (Although the little bitch will never admit to it.)
5. Billy Crudup (Wouldn't be swinging that big blue pipe on screen without me.)
6. Chris Evans (Johnny Storm would be the next Johnny fucking Drama otherwise.)
7. A name I'm contractually obligated not to mention, but since she's still getting work after what went down in Vegas, I think I can count her. (Bitch.)
8. Countless. Fucking. Others.